Did you already believe before?
I wasn’t exactly agnostic but I didn’t believe in anything. Before I did have a few experience close to »God» but I didn’t give them weight. But when I was ill, the first night I was at the hospital, the only thing that I felt like doing was to pray and cry.
How was the feeling?
How is it to feel love? I don’t know how to explain it, it’s a feeling.
I had viral myocarditis, an infection in the heart. As I was walking home I had a cardiac insufficiency and I had to go straight to the hospital.
If I think about it, if that Saturday I had decided to go running, because I usually do it, I could have died. Between the time that people look at you and the time they take to call for an ambulance I really could have died.
What has this experience taught you?
You get more perspective, you start noticing what is really important.
I had a few months were I couldn’t leave my house because I was recovering, and it was around the start of October that the doctor told me that I was fine and you can’t imagine how happy it made just to be able to walk on my own.
It was such happiness, to be able to dance once again. One night while walking home I was stressed out because of a relationship with a girl I liked, and as I walked I remembered what happened and I was happy.
I was happy because my worries were those. I didn’t have to worry about dying.
It really gives you perspective.
Do you do something to try to keep in mind that perspective?
I do try to, but as time passes you start losing it, you start forgetting about how important it was. It can’t be helped and you do fall on your previous patterns but from time to time that voice comes back and you think:
Why am I so worried about something so trivial?
I remember how it was when I was ill, and I change what I think once again.